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Monday, 12/1/03: I'm sorry to announce to all my devoted fans out there (Ha!) that I won't be updating for a while. Actually, I don't know that it'll be a while, but if present trends continue, it will be. You see, I've gotten kind of sick of being the only one on the site to update, so until the comics start being refreshed, I'm not going to be making any more editorials. Sorry, but I don't feel like updating my page twice a week while nothing happens with the other parts. And furthermore, I don't feel like my writing mattered much anyhow, because I updated twice a week, and somehow was getting less hits than the other pages, which haven't been updated in FOR-FUCKING-EVER! |
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A Tribute to the First Thanksgiving... Sort of Thanksgiving is approaching us, and I'm sure that all across the country, elementary school kids are being told of the first Thanksgiving, when pilgrims and Indians came together and gave gifts and enjoyed each other's company. That's all well and good for little kids, so long as most of their attention goes to making sure that the king of pop isn't sneaking up behind them. But as for the more mature ones of us, I think we should realize what those early Thursdays in November were really like. It was something along the lines of this: Pilgrim: "Chief Sitting Bull, my fellow pilgrims and I have been thinking. All this warring and killing each other doesn't seem to be getting anyone anywhere. That, and I'm sure you're tired of us breaking all these treaties. So, on behalf of myself and all the other new world settlers, I propose that we stop fighting and live together in peace." Sitting Bull: "Well, I suppose you're right. We, too, grow tired of fighting, and seeing as we didn't want to fight in the first place, I--" Pilgrim: "Now!" [KABLAM!] Fortunately, firearms were very weak back then, and Sitting Bull was alright. Now, if you compare this to modern times, there are surprising similarities. Take, for example, the events of my last Thanksgiving: Me: "Uncle Bob, could you pass the mashed potatoes please?" Uncle Bob: "Whuddid you call me?" Me: "I asked you to pass me the mashed potatoes." Uncle Bob: "Oh you did, didja? Well, maybe I just don't have the- [hiccup] maybe I just don't feel inclined to do so. Did ya ever think of that? Didja?!" Me: "Look, could you just put down the bottle and-" Uncle Bob: "Oh, now you think you can- [hiccup] that you're the boss of me? Well, here you go, have all the mash patatoes you want!" It was then that the spuds went airborne. It happens every year. I keep asking him to just lay off the juice for one day, but to no avail. And I really don't know where I'm going with this, so I will sign off and leave you people alone with your thoughts, and the old cartoons on the other pages. Good day. A Conversation Between a Leaf and a Rake Rake: "Hey leaf! Nice colors! Is the season changing, or are you just terrified?" Leaf: "Terrified? Ha! I'm still in the tree, and there's nothing you can do about it! I'm untouchable! Imagine that, Eliot Ness the leaf." Rake: Yeah, you laugh now, but you've got to fall down eventually, and I'll be waiting." Leaf: "Whatever you say. You know, I just had a thought. You and Edward Scissorhands would make the perfect couple." Rake: "It's too bad you wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding. After all, the wind is picking up. . ." Leaf: Oh dear, you're right. Must. . . hold. . . on. . . CRAP! I need stronger stem muscles. Well, I'm done for now." Rake: "That's it, just float on down to me." Leaf: "You don't have to do this! There's no reason that a leaf and a rake can't get along." Rake: "Sing it to the heavens, but you're joining the pile anyway." Leaf: "Why can't you and I just be friends?!" Rake: "Why don't you tell me, Mr. Ness? You may know how to get Capone, but I'm going to get you!" [Slash] [Rip] Leaf: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" |
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